What Do You Do With the Mad That You Feel?
/“What do you do with the mad that you feel, when you feel so mad you could bite? When the whole world seems oh, so wrong…and nothing you do seems very right?”
I love to go for prayer walks to calm down and re-center…especially near water!
These are the words from a song by Mr. Rogers. I watched Mr. Rogers as a child and have recently revisited some of his wonderful wisdom after the release of the film about his life. After watching the recent events in our nation, this particular episode keeps coming to mind.
In another video of Mr. Rogers’ proposal for funding for educational television in front of a senate committee (you can also find this online), he expressed his concern about the violence children were being exposed to on television. He made an impassioned, yet humble plea that included a plan that would allow him to be part of the solution. And I believe he was.
David issued an outcry for justice in Psalm 139.
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you (God)? Yes, I hate them with a total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. (Psalm 139:21-22)
Whoa. Does this sound familiar? And yet, David gave us the answer in the next breath.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 139:23-24)
David was angry at the injustice he saw, but he asked God to (FIRST) expose any wrong motives in his own heart AND THEN for God to guide his actions. Try asking yourself: Why does this make me so angry? What is the root? What has happened in my past that is triggering this reaction? How can I be part of the solution? (with love and humility?) Am I shutting down the dialogue with my own monologue of pain? Am I seeking first to understand before I try to be understood?
The rest of Mr. Rogers’ song goes like this:
What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Do you round up friends for a game of tag? Or see how fast you can go? It's great to be able to stop…when you've planned a thing that's wrong, And be able to do something else instead…I can stop when I want to, can stop when I wish. I can stop, stop, stop any time. And what a good feeling to feel like this, and know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there's something deep inside, that helps us become what we can. For a girl can be someday a woman…And a boy can be someday a man. —Fred (Mr.) Rogers
Mr. Rogers gives children (and us!) practical steps to process feelings and emotions of anger. My goal is not to point out things you “should” do. I only want you to consider—what do you do when you feel angry, frustrated, sad or afraid? Maybe you have a punching bag in your garage or perhaps you bake bread or shoot clay pigeons. Do you work in the garden or paint or play the drums? I’d love to hear yours! Here are some of mine:
Go for a walk. I know I talk a lot about the benefits of prayer walking, but I can’t count the number of times over the years that a few laps around the block or neighborhood, school building or apartment complex have helped me to “stop” and “do something else instead.” I had a chance to practice it today when a new neighbor did not pick up after his dog who relieved himself in our yard. (!)
Turn up the worship music. Savannah reminded me of this recently. She has been disappointed by the way her senior year ended and has been missing her high school friends. “I’ve been listening to ‘The Blessing’ on repeat during my drives back and forth to work. It has really helped my attitude.” I also find it helpful to listen to podcasts like Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Your Move by Pastor Andy Stanley, and Enjoying Everyday Life by Joyce Meyer. I love podcasts!
Play an instrument. Even if you only know a few chords (like me) on the keyboard or guitar or ukelele, try learning a song you love! I also love to choose a simple 3 or 4 chord progression and play it over and over again. Often I will open my Bible or choose a verse to sing. Who knows? You may even write a new song!
Discuss it with a friend. I am a verbal processor, which means my brain processes information while I am talking. This is frustrating for Jeff, who is a problem solver. He hears a problem and immediately wants to fix it, but often I just need him to listen because as I am talking, the Lord often reveals a solution or revelation. I thank God for friends who allow me (even now through Zoom and FaceTime) to talk through issues of the heart. Who can you call today?
Journal. I am forever grateful to the junior high teacher (Mrs. Gaines) who introduced me to journaling. When Hannah was mistreated and “deeply troubled”, she “poured out her soul before the Lord.” (1 Sam. 1:15) Once when I read this, God highlighted the spiritual discipline of journaling.
As Mr. Rogers taught children alternatives to violence, I want to teach middle school, junior high, high school and even college students that there is “a more excellent way.” Let’s pray for wisdom, love and humility. Let’s be part of the solution.
You can help me be part of the solution! Join me as I create curriculum for students that will help them connect with God and live with purpose by making a tax-deductible donation here:
What are some healthy ways you deal with
“the mad that you feel”?
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